Heart and Soul
by duchessdeer
Summary: Nothing could have stopped Bella from saving Edward, but something had changed and she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. The family splits and weird dreams keep getting in her thoughts.
1. chapter 1

**Welcome to my first fanfiction after a really long time. I used to write, but I didn't like to do it in German and my English wasn't quite good enough to publish it anywhere. I hope it is now.  
** **My story starts right after they met the Volturi in Italy and are on their way home.  
** **This will be Carlisle/Bella at some point!**

 **I read the books a long time ago and sometimes I'm not sure what's in the books and what origins from the movies or even some fanfiction I read *lol*. I hope you don't mind too much.  
** **Here you go:**

Bella closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath of sweet scent. She tried to tell herself that everything was alright now. Edward was here, they were on a plane heading home and everything would be perfect again. Her vampire boyfriend had sworn to never leave her side again over and over, since she had smashed into his glittering chest in Voltera. Even now she could feel his cool hand rubbing her back, the silent promise present in every motion.

But something was not quite as it should be. She sighed. It probably was not too uncommon to feel so lost, after all she had just witnessed. The vampire fight, Aro ordering that she become a vampire and quick and, above all, the hordes of humans that now were dead. She had wanted to scream at them to run, seeing families and backpackers following the young woman who wanted to be a vampire into the stone hall they themselves had just left. But it would have done no good. There had been no way out, not even running. Not for human beings.  
Bella shivered again. Was she like that woman? She had never stopped begging to become a vampire, wanted nothing more then to stay with the Cullens forever.  
No, she had done it out of love, not out of some weird pull to become undead. But was that a good or just a selfish reason? Maybe now she saw why Edward had wanted to save her soul. She understood his point and that of the others, remembering Carlisle and their conversation while he had patched up her arm after the incident on her birthday. She remembered his cold stare when she had chuckled after him mentioning damnation. His eyes had spoken thousand words and she had shivered under is intense golden gaze, feeling what he didn't want to say out loud. The words he couldn't form.  
The hand on her back felt wrong now and Bella moved a bit. He removed it only to grab her hand in his and she blinked at him smiling, before she closed her eyes again and finally slumber took over.

 _Everything was dark, she couldn't see anything even though she thought she could make out the outlines of trees surrounding her out of the corner of her eyes, but when she tried to fix them on a spot, she only saw blackness there.  
_ _A feeling of absolute calm surrounded her, even in this spooky setting and a faint voice kept repeating her name in a desperate whisper. Not quite calling out for her, more like a thought in one's head._

 _"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella…"_

 _The voice was familiar, but…_

"Bella, wake up. We are there." Edwards voice broke through the darkness, loud as if he had shouted into her ear and Bella shot upright with a start.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he said and hushed her into his arms once more.

"I was dreaming," she explained and tried a small smile.

"Finally back home," Alice beamed at the both of them "the others are here to pick us up."

The others? Bellas heart clenched and the next thing she knew was that she stood on her feet and was pulled along the airplanes corridor and into the airport hall by Edward, who was still holding her hand in his marble one, not quite too hard, but not as loose as he had before. The three of them went through the luggage hall without stopping, since they hadn't anything with them of course.

Bella still had a weird feeling. Her head was spinning slightly and her heart seemed to falter before its rate sped up. Edward gave her a worried look. "Is everything alright, Bella?"

She gulped and nodded and he didn't seem to believe it, but didn't say anything else either. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it might give her a heart attack and suddenly, when they stepped through the gate and into the waiting hall, the racing ended and she swore her heart skipped a few beats, leaving her as quiet as the vampires around her.  
Edward pulled at her arm to turn her around, but she turned her head, her eyes fixed on the five people standing there.  
Rosalies mixed feelings were shown on her face for everyone to see. Gratitude for having her brother back, but also reluctance. Emmett naturally beamed at all of them, Jasper was moving a bit too fast to get to his Alice and Esme stood, smiling happily, next to Carlisle.

Carlisle…

Jasper rushed over to Alice and yanked her up in his arms, kissed her hair and then captured her mouth with an eagerness he rarely ever showed. Not caring for anything other than his mate being finally back at his side. Alice grinned and threw her arms around him.  
Edward and Bella stood now directly in front of the rest of them. Emmett had grabbed Bella and given her one of his bear hugs. When he sat her back down, the action started, too fast for Bella to comprehend any of it. In one second she turned around and locked eyes with Carlisle, the next she heard a hiss and a loud rumbled growl, before Edward lunged. Esme shrieked and was pushed aside from a jumping Jasper. Bella only saw Edward and Carlisle on the floor for a second, before Jasper pulled Edward off their father, grabbing him with force to stare him in the eye, probably trying to relax his emotions, but why? Emmett came into action too and grabbed Edwards other arm. Together they tried pulling him away.

"Everyone's watching," hissed Emmett loud enough for even Bella to hear and finally won the pulling fight.

Looking around, Bella saw that everyone in the hall was staring, some with their mouths open, at the fight that was going on front row.  
She stumbled when Alice pushed her forward to follow Rosalie through the crowd. Bellas eyes were fixed on Carlisles again, who was staring back at her, while Esme spoke softly to him. His eyes were pitch black, but his gesture was relaxed and his face showed no sign of any emotion.

"Come now, Bella. Please!" Alice pulled her further away and she had no other option than to follow.

What was going on? Why did Edward attack Carlisle? And where did that emptiness come from, which was filling her out more and more, the further Alice dragged her away from the hall?  
The cool air filled Bellas lungs, when they finally made it outside. Jasper, Emmett and Edward were nowhere to be seen.

"They will run home," answered Alice Bellas thoughts and pointed at Emmetts jeep. "In with you, Rosalie will drive us home."

It did take only a few moments for the three women to enter the car and without a second blink, Rosalie started the engine and maneuvered the car out of the parking lot.

"Where's Carlisle?" asked Bella when she saw Esme exiting the building without him and getting in the shiny, dark car which Bella knew was Carlisles.

Alice didn't answer. She sat in the back with a far away look on her face. But Rosalie did: "Probably needs fresh air, too."

What the heck is going on?  
As they drove, Bella tried to catch a glimpse of hair or a familiar face in the forest they sped through as fast as possible, even though she knew she wouldn't see a thing.  
Her hands were shaking and her thoughts were all over the place.  
They reached Forks in a bit more than half a hour. How fast had Rosalie driven? Bella shook her head. No one had said anything during the ride and she wondered what Alice had seen in her mind.

When Rosalie pulled into the driveway of Charlies house, Bella gaped at the two vampires.  
"No way!" Her voice came out as a screech.

"You must, Bella. I need to speak with them first. The visions are changing every few seconds, I can't get a grasp on any of it," said Alice and her pleading eyes were as intense as ever.

"Tell me what is going on, Alice. Please!"

"I will, I promise. Just not now! Don't worry Bella, we won't ever leave you again. We just need family time right now."

"Get out! We need to go," bellowed Rosalie and with a last glance at Alice, Bella moved and got out of the car.

This couldn't be. It wasn't right! She needed them, she was part of the family! Why wouldn't they tell her anything?  
With shaking hands, she turned around and listened as the car spet away, refusing to cry.

 **That's it, I hope you liked the beginning. I have a lot in mind already and am so happy to finally get to write again.  
** **Please tell me what you think about it and don't forget to set the story on alert, if you want to read more.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for all your kind words. I appreciate it very much and hope you'll like what I write the following one is a bit shorter than the last, but I found the end quite fitting.**

Carlisle slowed down his speed when the road to their home came in view. Something wasn't right, but how could it, really? He didn't know what had brought him to think such a thing in front of Edward. He had always been good to conceal every thought he didn't want him to know. What had happened at that airport?  
But Carlisle wouldn't be Carlisle if he didn't know deep down, what this meant. But it couldn't be! It was very unusual to play out as it had and why hadn't Alice seen any of it happening?  
He had first felt the pull after stitching her up on her birthday, but hadn't thought anything of it, since they had had a pretty emotional conversation then and he had thought that to be the reason for his momentary affection towards her. But it had only gotten worse the following months, so that he very nearly did run to Forks to check on her. He was going to make that decision the very moment Alice had stormed into his office, telling him Bella had jumped off that cliff and now was dead or would be any moment.  
He remembered his world crumbling to a pile of ashes. The searing pain where his unbeating heart was located in his chest brought him to his knees and Alice had knelt down beside him, scared.  
When she told him she wanted to go and check on Charlie, he agreed and gave her the keys to his car. Only wanting to be alone as fast as possible.  
He remembered the following hours as if they had actually been years. When Alice called and told him Bella was alive and they were going to Voltera to save Edward, he hadn't known if he should laugh or cry. Of course he cared very much for Edward, his companion, his friend and son, but the Volturi were death bringing and Bella was a human who knew about vampires! How big had the odds been that they didn't find out about that fact immediately?  
When they actually made it out of Voltera with Edward and Bella still alive, it was like heaven did in fact exist. How could it be that they were so lucky? That he was so lucky? His thoughts turned around Bella from that second on until they stood in the airport hall, waiting for them.

Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella…

"You! I'll kill you!" Suddenly Edward was on Carlisle again who was smashed backwards against a large oak tree. Jasper and Emmett came rushing after them, but Carlisle held a hand up to stop them from interfering. In some way he was at fault and Edward was right to be outraged, so he let him have a moment.

When he felt it was enough, he growled and pushed Edward off, pinning him to the ground beneath him. Edward was no more a fighter than Carlisle himself, who was much older and somewhat stronger. Besides, he was the leader of their coven and even when they called it family and Carlisle usually never took that fact as an advantage, it still counted a great deal.  
"You can not kill me and you won't," he spat and held the struggling boy down.

"You have no right…"

"YOU have no right, Edward! You had your fun, but you must know, that I can't change what happened!"

"I will not give her to you!" Edward growled, when Carlisle allowed him to get up.

"You can't give her to me, anyway! But I will go, because you are right when you mean it's not fair!"

"What?" Alice and Esme came running now, too. All six of them standing in a circle in front of the house.

"You won't leave," cried Esme, "what is going on?"

Edward, still seeing red in his madness, chuckled: "Oh yeah, Carlisle. Tell her, please, I want to hear it, too!"

Carlisle froze on the spot, he needed to tell her, but he couldn't form the words. Esme had never been his true mate, he knew that now, but that didn't mean he hadn't loved her. She had been his wife for a humanly lifetime, but he had felt their connection changing ever so slightly, since Bella had come into their lives. He hadn't realized it then, but after that incident a few months ago, it became clear to him that he couldn't live with Esme anymore. Not as a married couple, that is. Only she didn't know…

"Carlisle?" Her eyes met his and he knew then, that she had come to the right conclusion.

 _Doors banging, so much distress, only three of them sitting in the house, Bella next to Edward, with a confused look on her face, not quite getting what's going on.  
_ Alice let out a pained cry, still half into her vision and Jasper grabbed her, pulling her softly into his arms, shaking from all the emotions around him. Anger, Guilt, Betrayal, Grief… he closed his eyes and tried hard to lighten the mood, but it was impossible.  
Alice looked at Esme now, desperate: "Don't go!" But Esme didn't wait to hear any of it. She had sped into the house and started packing her bags.

"Carlisle! You must stop her," cried Emmett.

"I can't. She will do what she thinks is best for her," he told them and turned around, leaving.

"NO! We are a family! I told Bella we wouldn't leave her again!" Alice started to go after him, but Edward blocked her.

"Then don't! He can go!"

"You don't know what you're saying! Do you think she won't find out eventually? Her pull is not as prominent as it is for him, but she will become a vampire. She must!"

"And Carlisle will be gone by then. Problem solved!" Edwards eyes were glaring daggers at his sister now. It was not as if he didn't know that he could still loose her without Carlisle there, but he had to try. She was his first and only love and he wouldn't give up on that.

Then Rosalie stormed after Esme, Emmett on her heels, and Alice knew that they would follow their mother. Who was going to keep Carlisle company? She couldn't, she promised and she hadn't the power to send Jasper away after him. He needed her and she needed him, especially after what they had just lived through. With a forlorn look, she sat down on the dry forest floor and covered her face with her hands.


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh my, I love you all! Thank you so much for all your comments.  
At the moment I'm ill at home, that's why it's easy to write and post this often. That sure will change when I'm well again, but for now I'm happy with writing a lot.**

"You're staying at home... for the rest of your life!"

Bella couldn't blame Charlie for the outburst leading to this last sentence. She had been gone for three days straight, without telling him anything or even waste one thought on him. Charlie had gone through hell because of her and she hadn't cared at all. All she had been thinking of was, that she needed to save Edward. Edward who wanted to get himself killed, because he had thought she was dead.

Bella remembered that moment as if it had just happened a few minutes ago.  
Jacob, who had leaned over to her, trying to seduce her once more, and then the realization of a car standing in front of Charlies house. Shiny and black with shadowed windows.  
Carlisle…  
Her heart had leaped then and she had made her way out of the truck, away from Jacob. She hadn't cared if he thought it was a trap. The chance had been high that it wasn't.  
When she had stood in the darkness of her home, Alice crashing into her and hugging her, she had known that something was not right. She had scanned the living room for more vampires to come, but had seen no one.  
"I'm alone," had Alice said.

Nobody came to tell her anything that night. Bella hadn't slept a minute and was out of her mind when she drove to school the next morning, the adrenaline in her veins preventing her from feeling the tiredness.  
Next to her usual parking lot stood already Edwards silver Volvo. She let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. They were at school, probably signing in again this minute. Everything would be okay.  
Bella grabbed her bag, got out of the car and made her way over to the buildings. Like she had predicted, Edward left the small reception house a moment later.

"Hello, Bella," he said and came over to her, pulling her in his arms. She sighed and let him kiss her softly.

"Why didn't you come over? What happened yesterday? Is everything okay between Carlisle and you?"

"Everything is okay now, don't worry."

His voice was calm, but she knew something wasn't right.  
"Tell me! I have a right to know!"

"Bella," came a soft voice from the door and she looked up to see Jasper walking towards the both of them. "Shall we get going? Alice is waiting for us."

That was weird. Jasper had rarely ever spoken to Bella and she had thought he would stay away from her even more, after what had happened at her birthday. She was happy, that he wasn't, though.  
"Fine," she told him and got out of Edwards embrace. If he wouldn't tell her anything, she would ask Alice.

When they finally arrived at the entrance hall, she saw Alice waiting for them in front of the stairs.

"Alice…," started Bella, but the bell rang that moment and everyone got into school mode.

"Later, Bella." Alice winked at her and turned around.

"You did that on purpose," accused Bella loudly and rolled her eyes.

What she couldn't see, were Alices pained features as she hurried up the stairs, Jasper and Edward following behind.

A few minutes later, the three vampires sat in the back of their class. Everyone had been watching when they entered the room. Whispered questions had followed them since they had arrived at school.  
Alice couldn't blame them, after everything that had been going on, they were the perfect topic for gossip in any form.

"Edward, this will not work out! I can't see it," she whispered quietly, too quiet for any human to register.

"That's because she doesn't know the story yet," he answered.

"What story? It's not the right thing to do! I can't imagine not being with Jasper, only because someone didn't want to tell me that he existed." Jasper looked over to her at that and grabbed her hand compassionately.

"It's not the same, she's no vampire. She's happy with me, isn't she? She loves me and I love her," Edward told her.

Alice sighed. Edward didn't know what he was talking about. He hadn't found his mate yet, so much was clear now. It was true that they loved each other very much, but no love could be truer than that of destined mates. At least for a vampire.  
She wondered why she hadn't seen the slightest glimpse. Everyone had believed that Carlisle and Esme were as much the perfect mates as were Edward and Bella. Well, a true bond didn't leave any outward signs. How should they have known? Maybe it was something that you had to feel for yourself to understand what it truly was.  
But could she let Edward take that away from Bella? She wasn't sure about that. Maybe Bella would be happy with the love she shared with Edward. Alice would wait and see, she had promised to at least wait some time.  
And Carlisle? Alice didn't think he would change his mind. He believed that he did the right thing and he had lots of self control. But still…  
She had tried to see anything, but it hadn't done any good. He purposefully seemed to change his mind every few minutes, leaving her with lots of more or less alarming possibilities. She just hoped he would stay safe.

When school break came, Alice sat down with the boys at the table they used to sit at before their departure, fixing her eyes on the big doors. Bella stormed through them only a few minutes later, spotting the three of them and pushing through the already crowded room.

"Bella, here," shouted Mike Newton, but she wasn't even turning her head.

Her bag hit the ground with a loud thump and she sat down in one of the free chairs, starring at Alice: "Where are Rosalie and Emmett?"

"They are gone," started Edward "Carlisle was needed in the hospital he worked at in Denali and Rosalie did want to keep Esme company."

Bellas gaze turned to him then. "How long will they stay?"

"I don't know."

"Why did you attack Carlisle at the airport?"

"He knew that he had to go and was thinking something I didn't agree with," lied Edward smoothly.

Alice gasped and glared furiously at Edward: "Don't!"

"What? What did he think?" Bella was curious now. What didn't want Alice to tell her?

"He thought about leaving us forever, because he didn't want to keep fighting for you. Especially not with the Volturi."

The tray in front of Alice hit the ground with a loud clatter. She didn't care, only stared at Edward with firy eyes, telling him to follow her out now.  
Bella noticed only half of it. Her thoughts were running wild in her head. Carlisle didn't want to… to have her there? Friendly, always attentive Carlisle wanted a life without the human attached to them and would even split his family over it?  
In her thoughts she saw loyal golden eyes regarding her affectionately, she had trusted Carlisle from the very beginning. This couldn't be true!

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Alice was furious, barely held back by Jasper who was clearly struggling with it. At least nobody could see anything, since they had rounded the corner of the building.

"I did what came to my mind. It's just the perfect excuse," answered Edward.

"I didn't agree to this! I will tell her! You're not blaming this on Carlisle who willingly let you have her!"

"Let me have her? She was mine!"

"Not anymore! She is his, if he wants it or not. She just doesn't know yet!"  
Alice looked positively feral now.

"You won't say a word! You promised you would wait and see how she's doing. What do you even want to tell her? That she can't be with me, because she's Carlisles, due to some weird vampire mating thing? She is no vampire, she doesn't feel any of it right now!"

Alice growled, but didn't say another word. Bella would be alone, if she told her. She probably wouldn't want to stay with Edward, because she thought it was the wrong thing to do and she couldn't be with Carlisle, since he was gone. She probably didn't even feel anything right now, Edward was right.

"Alice?" Edward wanted an answer.

"Fine. I will wait and see. But if she's showing any signs of being unhappy, I will tell her the truth!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, this was hard somehow. I know where I want to go with this story, but I'm not sure yet how to achieve it. We'll see, I think.**

 _White walls, light grey, shiny floor, hospital beds and a neon sign that read South County Medical Clinic._  
Alice gasped and got off the sofa in a flash, running to where the computer stood on a dark wooden desk in Carlisles office.

"Alice? What is it?" Jasper had followed her and was now rubbing her back gently.

Alice turned around, while the computer started with a low buzz. "He made up his mind, Jasper. Carlisle chose a place to stay. At least for now," she said.

"That was faster then we thought."

She nodded and, when the computer was finally ready, typed in the hospitals name.  
"Quilcene, Washington!" Alice beamed. "That's not so far. It's only a two hour drive."

"Why would he stay so close, when he doesn't want to come back?"

Their gazes met and no one needed to say another word. Carlisle couldn't stay away, so much was clear.

Carlisle stood in the middle of his new hospital office, dragging his right hand through his smoothed back hair.  
This was it. His new workplace. Sighing he turned around, considering everything in the room.  
The hospital was as small as the one in Forks. That was an advantage, since they always needed doctors in those small towns. Quilcene was in fact the perfect location for vampires with his diet. Only a few hundred people who didn't really have to do anything with one another and the large Olympic National Park right next to it. Still, it was so close to Forks.  
He had tried to stay away, had run through forests, bought a car and driven hundreds of miles, only to come circling back to his former home.  
Growling, he threw the stupid desk figure of some sportsman against the next wall. She left a small hole, smashed back and, with a clatter, came to a halt next to the door.  
What was going on? He used to never loose control, but since the moment he had seen her at the airport, he couldn't hold back anymore as easily as before.  
Maybe the hard work would help him to get over his desire to start running through that damn forest until he stood before her, confessing his love.  
He sighed, everything would be okay. He needed it to be okay. Edward had lived long enough without any kind of love and he couldn't bring himself to steel that away from his own chosen son.

"No way! He's not going to visit you ever again. Hell, Bells, you are not going to have any boy in your life for the next ten years!"  
Charlie was fuming.

"But dad…"

"No! I don't want to see you like that ever again! He's not doing this a second time!"

Bella smiled slightly, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "He won't ever hurt me again, dad. He loves me and I love him," she said.

Three weeks had passed and Bella hadn't been alone in her room after school like Charlie thought she had been, but he mustn't know about that. Now had been the right moment to tell him Edward wanted to come over again. She understood Charlies objections, but still.

"Bella…"

"Please, dad."

Charlie rolled his eyes: "At least I have my gun in the house."

Bella grinned and threw her arms around him. "Thank you."

Half an hour later the door bell rang and Charlie glared at her, when she hurried to open it. He earned a small smile in return.  
"Hi," she said when she opened the door and let Edward pull her in for a kiss. She closed her eyes and suddenly she felt dizzy. 

_The darkness was back and the trees outlines. She heard a low growl and thought she saw a shadow cowering behind the trees. Bella…_

"Bella! Bella!" She opened her eyes and saw Charlie pushing Edward away, grabbing her. "What did you do?"

She blinked. "Edward didn't do anything, dad. It's okay. I was just… feeling dizzy."

"Maybe Edward should go, if you're not feeling well."

"No! I mean…," she shook her head slowly, feeling weird somehow.

"You father is right, I'm going," Edward agreed and caressed Bellas cheek, before he turned around.  
Charlie nodded and closed the door behind him, not knowing that he would be in her room as soon as he was out of sight.

"Bella, do I need to get you to the hospital?"

Golden eyes came into her mind. A white coat and a pale, slender hand.  
She flinched away from his touch, when Charlie tried to grab her arm.

"Bella?"

"No," she shouted a bit too loud. „No, it's okay. I'll just go in my room and sleep. Maybe I didn't drink enough, it's quite hot today," she tried again and made her way towards the stairs.

"I'm here when you need me," said Charlie and Bella smiled at him over her shoulder.

Edward stood, as predicted, in the corner of her room, waiting.  
"Are you ill?" He was at her side in an instant, checking her over with his eyes.

"Everything's fine. I didn't sleep well this night, I'm only exhausted."

"Why didn't you sleep well?"

"Dreaming." She averted her eyes. Somehow she wasn't comfortable with telling Edward about the dream.  
The forest haunted her every night, never revealing quite enough for her to see what was going on in the shadows of the trees. She felt still save, though. The dream wasn't bad, she just didn't understand what it meant.

"What did you dream?" Edward pulled her down on the bed, burying his head in her hair.

She tried to relax, but remained tense. "The Volturi, I think," she lied and hoped he would miss the tremor in her voice.

"They will wait for our next move. Everything's fine for now." His hands went down to hers and he grabbed one to place a kiss on the back of her hand. "No need to worry, love."

A thought came to her mind, and she turned her head to look him in the eye. "When will you turn me?"

"I don't want to rush things. We have years…"

"Edward, I'm not waiting years! It's now or never."

He was silent for what seemed like a lifetime to her. "There's something… I require. Before I do turn you," he finally said and looked down to their entwined fingers.

"Anything! What is it?" She asked eagerly.

His golden eyes shot upwards again, seeing through her in every way possible. "Forever."

"That's what I want."

"Then marry me."


	5. Chapter 5

Alice was thrown out of her thoughts by her phone starting to buzz loudly on the table before her. She grabbed it and accepted the call. "Bella?"

"I need to talk to you. Can I come over?" Bellas voice sounded shaky.

"Of course, you know you always can. Where's Edward?"

"He just went hunting. I'm there in fifteen minutes." With that she ended the call.

Alice furrowed her brows and then turned around to address Jasper, but she didn't need to say a thing.

"I heared," he said, grinning sheepishly. "If I didn't know better, I would say she doesn't want Edward to know she's speaking to you." He folded the newspaper casually on his lap.

"Did we make the wrong decision?"

"You're never wrong. You're Alice."

His answer made her giggle and then she sighed. "I can't see anything apart from Carlisle still working double shifts in that hospital."

Like she said, Bellas old red truck arrived at the house around fifteen minutes later. Alice made her way to the door and opened it, letting her in.

"Hello, Bella," greeted Jasper and inclined his head in her direction, before sitting down again.

Bella smiled shyly. What a gentleman Jasper was. She needed to get to know him better, she thought. Now that he was mostly alone with Alice, he seemed to loosen up a fair bit.

"What's on your mind?" Alice had hugged her tightly and then shooed her over to the sofa.

"Edward… he wants…," she stumbled over the words and took a deep breath. "He wants to marry me."

"Oh." Alice exchanged glances with Jasper.

"Aren't that happy news?" Jaspers southern drawl made Bella turn around.

"I don't know. Alice… I have those dreams… visions, really. They are coming and going and not only in the night." Which other person could she tell about visions? Alice had to know what that meant, but it was Jasper who reacted.

"Visions?"

"Yeah. Like… I don't really know. I think I'm in the forest. At least I'm dreaming of a forest, I don't see myself standing there. It's just… there. And I feel that there is someone or something watching me from behind the trees. It's weird… different things. I can not really explain it."

"Is it a bad dream?"

Jaspers questions surprised her, but she did answer him: "No. I'm feeling safe. Even relaxed."

Alice stared at Jasper: "Do you know what that means?"

He shrugged, staring right back at her. " I think I used to experience something similar. Before we met…"

His hint hung in the air between them. Alice understood immediately.

"Okay guys, if this is some sort of secret couple talk…" Why wouldn't anybody tell her anything? "I don't have time for this. I'm feeling weird. I don't know what it is. And that started with me having those dreams."

"Bella…," Alice began, but stopped abruptly, eyes glazing over.

Jasper was next to her in a second: "What is it?"

"He's coming home."

"Who?" Bella hated that the both of them apparently knew something she didn't.

"Carlisle," answered Alice.

Bella felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. Happiness and contentment filling her, before realizing that he didn't want her there. "When?"

"Two hours."

"I must go." Bella pushed herself up from the sofa and rushed to the door.

"You need to stay!" Alice tried to stop her, but Bella shook her head.

"No!" She fished the keys of her truck out of her jacket and stumbled the steps down to where he stood. The motor roared loudly as she went off.

Why was Carlisle coming back? She couldn't stay in that house knowing one of them didn't want her there. What did Esme think about it? Did she hate her, too? Rosalie sure had never liked her much.

She didn't want to see any of them today.

After driving around the countryside for a good hour, Bella decided to visit the only place from which she knew none of the Cullens could follow her. Maybe she could speak with Jacob about her dreams. He would probably tell her it was about Edward not being good for her, but at least he would be a distraction.

Rain had started and the sky was still relatively dark. It would be one of those days where the daylight had a hard time to come through the thick clouds and darkness of the trees. Bella was still not used to the weather in Forks and she thought she would never be.

She had made it halfway to the reserve, when there was suddenly a flash of reddish fur on the street before her. In the shine of her headlights she saw the eyes of a couple of stags and stepped down on the brake, but the road was too wet and littered with fallen leaves. The truck skidded to the side and the last thing she saw was a tall tree right in front of her.

ooo

 _Bella, Bella, Bella,…_

She tried to open her eyes, but her head ached terribly and as she took a hasty intake of breath, her lungs seemed to protest with all their might.

"Bella…" The voice seemed so real now.

She tried again and managed to pry open her eyes. Pitch black ones stared back at her and for a moment she thought it was over now, but then she noticed the shock of blond, angelic hair and the distressed look on his face.

"Carlisle…"

He was as beautiful as ever and freedom and trust flooded her body like crashing waves of an ocean.

"Stay with me, Bella. It's okay, I'll help you," he told her, but she didn't care. He was here and nothing else mattered.

When he pulled his hand back from her head, it was covered in blood and she felt dizzy again. He took a chopped breath, looking at his hand and then back into her eyes.

She had never seen Carlisle so much out of doctor mode when there was someone to take care of.

"Carlisle, I trust you," she whispered and he groaned, fixing his eyes back on the wound on her head. He left and was back again two seconds later, letting his medical back fall onto the console of the car, searching for the things he needed.

His eyes were as dark as the night sky, as he worked bandages around her head. After stopping the blood flow, he bend down and Bella realized, that she couldn't move her leg. She heard a loud crack and gazed down her side. Carlisle was bending the metal sheets, until she could finally move her leg again.

"Bella…," he breathed, searching her eyes for any discomfort.

"It's okay, please get me out of here."

"I will." He rushed out of the car and rounded it, pulling the drivers door open and unbuckled her belt. Then he slowly lifted her out of her seat and cradled her in his arms.

She felt his lips on her forehead and heard his ragged, unnecessary breaths and finally the tears came. With a loud sob, she let them run down her face.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm watching lots of Bella / Carlisle fanmade stuff right now. I put my favourites in a playlist and thought you would appreciate it. You can find the link on my profile side.**  
 **And I'm gone out of good fanfictions to read for myself. Has anybody any Carlisle fic recommendations for me? I think I know everything on here, though.**

Carlisles feelings were all over the place. There had been only a few minutes left for him until he would've arrived in Forks, when his phone started ringing.

"It's Bella... She's on the road to La Push, she's having a car accident," Alice had told him.

"Where?"

"Right behind the treaty line. You'll be the first there, after that the vision starts disappearing. Oh Carlisle, please be careful."

He had felt her desperation in every single word and pushed the car to its limits. Why hadn't he bought a faster one? He had called 911 and kept racing through the forest road.

Now that he stood in the middle of the street in the pouring rain, with her crying form cradled to his chest, he could smell them. They wolves were coming.  
A loud howl broke through the pattering of the rain and several answered back to it.

He kept standing there, searching with his eyes for the shadows behind the treeline and didn't move.

 _"Vampire!"_

 _"Bloodsucker!"_

 _"Kill him!"_

 _"He's not allowed here!"_

 _"SILENCE!"_ Sam growled at the voices in his head and bared his teeth. _"He's carrying someone."_

 _"Bella!"_ Jacobs voice cried in Sams head, when the rusty coloured wolf reached his side and its eyes fell upon the red truck.

 _"Don't,"_ ordered Sam and stepped in the way, blocking Jacob from running over to where Carlisle Cullen stood with a quivering form in his arms.

Jacob started to protest, when there was a loud but calm voice: "I'm not here to fight! I came to help, she's had a car crash. The ambulance will be here any moment. Let me get her in there and then I'm yours to be punished!"

 _"He broke the contract!"_

 _"He must die!"_

 _"Don't believe him!"_

 _"Silence now! I'll go and talk to him,"_ roared Sam and after phasing behind the nearest tree and pulling his shorts on, which he wore knotted around his ancle, he stepped out of the darkness of the trees.

Carlisle stood perfectly still, when Sam, the leader of the pack, walked towards him. He knew they weren't going to hurt Bella in any way, since they lived to protect the humans, but still, it would be very dangerous for her to be around when a fight started.  
She was drifting in and out of consciousness by now. Why did the ambulance take so long?

"Doctor Cullen," Sam greeted and starred him down.

"Good day! Are you alright with my proposal?" Carlisle pressed.

"Why did you come here? You knew you weren't allowed to."

"Are you so indifferent of her life?"

Back from the trees came a growl and the russet wolf, which Carlisle knew was Jacob, came running towards them.

In an instant he had laid Bella on the ground carefully and crouched over her defensively, hissing, ready to attack.

"Jacob! Stop!" Sam was furious. The wolf did stop, but wasn't going anywhere.

"We could have helped her. It wasn't your place to do so," Sam told Carlisle.

Carlisles features softened. "I knew what the contract said, but I wouldn't have been able to stay away."

"What does that mean?"

"I can't… she doesn't know yet and I'm not going to tell her." How could he tell them what he thought to be the reason for all of this?

"You tell or you die," spat Sam and Jacob next to him bared his teeth, ready to take the order.

"I know there is something similar happening to your kind... you imprint...," he said cautiously.

Jacob jumped forward with a howl, but Carlisle had been ready. He snarled and knocked him over, pushing him to the ground.

"JACOB!" Sam shouted and moved over, standing above them. "You WILL take my orders and you will NOT decide on your own like that!"

Carlisle let him go and was at Bellas still form in a blink. Jacob growled deeply, but kept lying on the ground, meeting Sams eyes with a furious glare.

"What does this mean," Sam asked after turning around again.

"It's called mates in our world. We can choose to stay away and that was what I did for the last weeks, but it's hard and when we're close to our mate and there is danger to him, we can't think properly. It's our instincts taking over."

Sam frowned, but seemed to understand. They could hear the sirens now and Carlisle swept Bella in his arms again, still watching Sam closely. When the alpha didn't make any attempt to stop him, he lowered his eyes to Bella and touched her face with the back of his hand, mouth slightly falling open.  
"Everything will be fine, love," he whispered and inhaled the scent of her one last time.

Sam sighed and glared at Jacob before speaking to Carlisle: "Take her. You may follow the ambulance. I wont be so gracious, if I ever see you again on our land." And with that they were gone.

The ambulance rounded the last curve and Carlisle took off, running to meet it.  
Everything would be fine…

Bella gasped and opened her eyes with a start. White walls blinded her and the monotone buzz of a neon tube hurt in her head. She touched her hand to her forehead and felt a bandage there.  
Of course, she had again managed to hurt herself. Memories of rain and the road started to get into her head. And eyes. Pitch black eyes and a deep rumble of a growl.

"Bella, you're awake." No other then Carlisle Cullen came into view.

"Carlisle? I… did you get me out of my truck?" She wasn't sure about that. Her head felt still dizzy, but she remembered his blond hair and reassuring words.

The vampire before her looked puzzled for just the blink of an eye and then sat down where her legs were put under the blanket.

"Yes. Alice saw it in a vision."

"But… I was on Quileute ground."

He looked at her and then averted his eyes.

"Carlisle!" Why didn't he say something?  
That was when everyhting came back. He didn't want her with them anymore. He didn't want to fight for her. Hell, she didn't want anyone to fight for her, but it wasn't her fault, was it?  
She turned her head towards the door as if it was suddenly very interesting.  
"Where is Charlie?"

Carlisle felt the air in the room shift. He wondered where her thoughts were going.  
"The nurse called him just a few minutes ago. I told them I would stay until you woke up. I'm not working here anymore, so I'll go now. If you don't need me?"

"No, I don't," she said, not even looking at him.

He hadn't thought that an answer could hurt him as much as it did. This was it. She didn't want him there. He was sure now, that she didn't feel the pull at all. Maybe it wasn't really a mates bond, maybe he wasn't destined to find what Alice and Jasper or Rosalie and Emmett had.  
With a last quick glance at her, he fled the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey there. Here's the next chapter. I hope it's good.**  
 **It's finally getting warm outside and I'm reasonably healthy again. Yay!**

Bella was released from hospital the following day. She needed to use crutches for a few days, since her ancle had been sprained, but her head was as good as new.  
Edward hadn't visited her, which was strange, she needed to see him and it couldn't wait. Charlie wasn't very happy about her urgency, but Alice promised him to take good care. She also told him she would pick her up.  
Bella felt a pang in her chest, when she limped out the door. Alice was driving the black Mercedes. Carlisles car. Bella felt a bit uneasy, but was soon shooed into the passenger seat. She took a deep breath and sighed. She didn't know anything about cars, but she knew everything about this car.

"Oh come on, Bella. Close the door already," said Alice and started the engine.

It didn't take them long. Alice, as everyone of the family, loved to drive fast. At least Bella knew, that they had the skill, too.  
It was evening and the lights in the house shone bright through the surrounding trees. Bellas door was opened before her eyes could get used to the new light conditions.

"May I help you?" Carlisle.

She watched as he took the crutches out of the foot space and then held out his hand for her to take. She didn't dare smile. Everything that Edward had said was still on her mind. She couldn't forget about it. She accepted his help anyway, letting her hand fall into his. And that was when a shock of electricity shot through her body, remaining as a slight tingle in her fingertips.

 _She could see the darkness, trees, heard the growl and a beautiful voice calling out for her. His voice._

Carlisle had felt it too, flinched from her touch and was now starring at her wide, unseeing eyes. He knew that look from Alice, but Bella couldn't have any visions, could she?  
He took her hand again and pulled her up until she stood before him. "Bella?"

Bella blinked and fixed her eyes on the amber once directly in front of hers. She could feel Carlisles cold breath on her face and she found that the proximity between them was quite dazzling. They were standing so close. Involuntary, her eyes fluttered shut.  
Carlisle let out a throaty groan and she felt his lips brush against the corner of her mouth ever so slightly.  
When she opened her eyes again, it was gone and she wondered if she had imagined it. He was still holding her, but his face was as far away as it was appropriate and he pushed the crutches in her hands. When his eyelids moved up and he stared at her again, she noticed that her mouth had fallen slightly open. Hastily, she shut it and moved to balance her weight in the crutches.

"What is taking so long over there?" Alices voice was a happy singsong. Jasper stood next to her now, with a look of pure contentment on his face.

Bella startled and felt her face grow hot. With a last glance in Carlisles direction, she started limping over to the stairs.  
Edward was waiting for her in the living room. He stood next to the door, looking out to the car they just arrived with. Bellas heart jumped in her chest, but the look on his face was unreadable.  
He turned to watch her ever so slightly and then she could literally feel the sorrow and grieve. What had she done? Had Carlisle really been kissing her out there?

"Why weren't you in the hospital?" She had to know.

"You didn't need me there," was his cryptic answer.

Bella scowled. "I don't understand."

"Carlisle was there, wasn't he?"

Guilt overcame her with an ice cold shudder. "I did not ask him to." She turned her head to see where the others were, but they still stood outside, talking. She knew they could here every word.

"You don't need to and I understand that now. I thought what we had was what you have with him, but it's not."

"What I have with him? There's nothing happened!"

"But it will. You can feel it already and he can, too. I talked to Alice and Jasper about it and they are right. There's no denying it." Edwards face was contorted in a mask of hurt now.

"What? Is this about the things I see in my head? What does that have anything to do with us?"

"I will stay with the Denalis for a little while. I'm sure we meet again someday."

"What? No! You're not leaving me again! You promised! You said you love me!"

"I do." And with that he was gone.

There was nothing she could have done about it. One moment he stood and looked at her with this heartbroken expression, the next he was gone and she stood alone by the door. She saw Alice looking at her from outside and Jasper, who was on his knees beside her. Alice knelt down then, kissing his face over and over. Her lips were moving, but Bella couldn't hear what she was saying. Edward loved her, but he was gone again. She waited for her world to crumble, for the tears that she had spilt when he last left her, but they never came.

"Don't feel guilty." Jasper stood suddenly next to her.

She looked him in the eye and snapped: "Why wouldn't I? Whatever happened, he thinks I'm cheating on him! And now I can't even cry!"

"Neither can I."

She glared at him then, but couldn't bear a grudge, when she saw his crooked smirk. "I'm a horrible person."

"You're not. And we are here and we will stay."

"You're not leaving?"

"Why would we?" Alice had entered the house and smiled at her. "I told you I wouldn't."

"Well, that was what Edward told me, too. Where are the others?"

Alices smile faltered. "We must speak. Edward didn't tell you the truth about what happened after they met us at the airport."

"Then tell me now!"

Alice opened her mouth to answer, but Carlisle, who stood in the doorway, beat her to it: "Esme left and Rosalie and Emmett went with her."


	8. Chapter 8

"What do you mean, she left?" Bella stood with her mouth agape, looking at Carlisle, who didn't move.

"She left because I couldn't give her what she needed anymore."

"You…," she didn't know what to say to that. "You two were the parents! You were the one thing that held this family together! How could you let her go? I know you changed her because she was your mate!"  
Had she been the reason? Had this… fight which was going on because of her put an end to a marriage which was supposed to live forever?

"We. Are. No. Family," he answered slowly, pronouncing every word correctly.

Alice next to Bella flinched and Jasper stepped forward. "Carlisle… don't."

"We are not! Bella, we are… we were a coven, no matter how much we wanted it to be the real deal. A family, with parents and kids and a house,…" he spat, disgust shown on his features, waving his hand around the room "… fitting decor and money as much as we liked. It's not the way vampires live normally. I should have known it wasn't going to work."

He had come closer as he looked around the room. Standing directly in front of her now. She grabbed the crutches in a death grip, but she wasn't going to show him what the words were doing to her. Not now. She was surprised by his outburst. Never had she seen Carlisle looking so completely matching his humanly age. His hair wasn't smoothed back anymore but was tangled wildly and his eyes were so outraged, she had never seen him like this before.

"I can't offer you what you want! You wanted to be a part of this family, this supernatural allegiance, but it's not there anymore. Esme, Rosalie and Emmett will not come back and Edward is gone, too. Maybe Alice and Jasper will stay, but it's not the charade of a family anymore."

Bellas heart jumped in her chest. He was standing so close again, she could hardly breath. It wasn't until he brought a hand up to her face, that she noticed she was crying. But she wasn't crying because of what he had said or who had left, but for his loss. The pain in his voice had shaken her to the very core. The beautiful gold in his eyes burning into her heart like a branding iron.  
He wiped away the tears which were rolling down her face and her stomach made a flip. Without a second thought, she grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him to her. She must have gotten him off guard, because he stumbled forward and his mouth came crashing down on hers.

Carlisle inhaled a sharp breath, when her soft lips met his cold ones. His feelings were all over the place. Edward had left her and he could finally claim what was, for all that he understood, his real mate. But could he? She was only human, she didn't need to be with him as it was and if he didn't act on his feelings, he could let her live a happy life without the sorrow he already had put himself and everyone else through. At least that was what he thought before she had grabbed him.  
He didn't stop the kiss. He couldn't. She pressed her body against his and all he could do was to put his arms around her, pulling her closer still.

It didn't take long for Bella to open her eyes and jump backwards with a feeble sound of surprise. What had she just done? Carlisle was watching her with an unreadable look on his face. She spun around, but Alice and Jasper were gone. With trembling hands she grabbed the crutches once more, then settled on closing her eyes. She didn't know what to do. What was going on? How could she scold him for letting Esme go, when she didn't feel anything about Edwards second abandonment. Hell, she had just kissed him!

"Are you hungry?" Carlisle seemed to be back in daddy mode again. His gentle eyes examined her cautiously, but he was smiling politely when he walked by.

"I… no, thanks."

"Do you want me to get Alice, so she can drive you home?"

"No!" She hadn't meant to shout, but she had. He stared at her then.

"Carlisle,…" she said, softer this time.

He couldn't help the warm shudder that went through his body by hearing his name from her lips.  
"Yes?"

She sighed and shook her head slowly. "Can I just go up? Have a bit of peace?"

"Of course."

She turned around and made her way to the stairs. Her mind was racing. How could he not say anything about what just happened?  
She had made it worse. But hadn't he kissed her at the car? Had he? She wasn't sure about that. Maybe it was her weird mind that made things up. But wasn't it his voice calling to her in her dreams?

"May I help?" He stood next to her, when she reached the first step and grabbed the crutches out of her hands, after she had fumbled to hold the handrail and two crutches at once.

She nodded and made her way up the stairs.  
"Thank you."

"Not for this," he answered smiling.

"For saving me, I mean."

His smile faltered and she was sure she saw his eyes darken for a moment. Then he straightened his features again and gave her a curt nod, before he turned around and left.  
Bella slowly limped around the hallway, looking at the large wooden cross and the pictures hanging on the walls. She didn't know where to go and she knew everyone was listening to her footsteps. Damn vampire senses!  
For a moment she decided on Edwards room, but when she opened the door and looked into the bright room with the large window front, the guilt came crashing back. How long would it take him to run to the Denalis? She sighed and closed the door. Turning around she stilled in her movements, looking at the door next to her. Could she use Carlisles office? She hesitated and lingered with her hand on the handle for a moment.

Then Alice poked her head out of the door at the end of the hallway. "He doesn't mind, Bella. Just choose a book and make yourself at home."  
With that the door was closed again and Bella could've sworn she heared a giggle.

Why the fuck not? She pushed through and found herself standing in a pleasantly dark room, so very different from the rest of the house. Dark wooden shelves were aranged around the room, filled with books of every kind. Thick leather volumes and paperbacks and large ones who seemed to contain any kind of wisdom from medicine to maps of the world. In front of the curtained window front stood a large wooden desk and to her right a dark leather sofa. Smiling, she took a step and sat down on the soft furniture.  
How would this all work out? She didn't know. She only knew she wasn't going to loose everyone this time and that made her feel very much at home.


	9. Chapter 9

Carlisle's thoughts were all over the place. He remembered the tingle in his fingertips when he had helped Bella out of the car. And when she had closed her eyes, he hadn't been able to resist leaning in to brush his lips to the corner of hers, before recovering with a jolt. Then in the house he had been shouting and raging and he couldn't believe how immature he had acted and then she had kissed him. Oh god.  
He paced through the house, trying to find anything to do and in the end only continued to think and spin. This wasn't like him, absolutely not. 

When she hadn't come out of his office three hours later, he decided to take a look. It was nine o clock and Charlie would probably storm into the house any minute, if she didn't return home.  
He knocked on the office door: "Bella?"  
She didn't answer and so he knocked again softly and then opened the door. He saw her immediately. She was lying on the leather sofa, with the crutches and an open book cluttered in front of it on the floor. Her eyes were closed and he could hear her calm heartbeat and the soft breathing noises. Slowly he walked closer and looked down at her. She looked so innocent and young lying there, with her forehead snuggled against the armrest, her brown wavy hair framing her face, half covering the bruise she had left from the accident.  
How could he even think about giving in to this? She may be feeling a bit of a connection, but she would be happy enough with any other boy, too. He wasn't human and he was in no case a boy. She needed someone her age, or at least her mindset. Edward had been old in years, too, but he had still been a young vampire and his youth would always be a part of him.  
Carlisle sighed. Bella knew him as the father, the leader of all these youngsters. How could she want to be with him? He remembered the shocked expression on her face, after she realized what she had done. The kiss hadn't been consciously, it had been the vampire mates bond making her do it.  
Suddenly a sigh broke through his thoughts and he focused on Bella again. Her eyes were still closed, but she had a smile on her lips now.

"It's okay, don't be scared." The whisper made his stomach lurch. What did she dream?  
She moved a bit and her arm slid down the front of the seating surface, but she didn't wake.  
"He looks so scared," she whispered again and then: "Carlisle."

As if on command, his legs gave away and he knelt down by her side, hand stopping midair on the way to her face.  
"I'm here" he breathed.

Bella opened her eyes and was met with black orbs, just a few centimeters from her face.  
"Carlisle!" She backed away and sat up, blushing furiously. Had she talked in her sleep again? What had he heard?

"I'm sorry." Carlisle stood and walked a few steps away, before turning around, gaze fixed on the wall. "I was wondering what happened to you. I knocked, but you didn't answer. It's late already and Charlie..." his voice broke at that and when he looked at her, she could see the desperation in his eyes.

"Carlisle, what happens to us?" He couldn't believe her stupid. He had to know, that she would come to her own conclusions with all that was going on!  
He flinched and opened and closed his mouth, before continuing to look at her, saying nothing.

"Is this what I think it is?"

'NO' wanted Carlisle to scream, "yes" he said.

Bella gulped and fumbled with the hair tie she wore around her wrist. Her thoughts were all over the place and she kept watching him, while her mind wandered off. Edward had never trusted her to manage the truth. Now that Carlisle had answered her so directly, she had to act like an adult. She could do it.

The conversation with Edward came to her mind:

 _"Carlisle was there, wasn't he?"_

 _"I did not ask him to!"_

 _"You don't need to."_

That made sense now. Edward had known. He had probably known from the moment they walked into the waiting hall. He must have read Carlisle's thoughts.  
That made her wonder. What had he thought? So she blurted: "What did you think?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you mean?"

"When we walked into the waiting hall at the airport. Why did Edward go wild?"

"I don't..."

"I really want to know," she pleaded.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Mine."

"Only... mine?"

He opened his eyes and Bella saw that they were still pitch black. "Mine," he growled in the most possessive tone she had ever heard. "I thought about that you are mine and that you live and that he can't have you anymore!"

He spat the words, but she knew the hatred wasn't directed towards her. Still, she was left speechless.

He sighed. "I know you are your own. You're not a possession." The words hadn't been much more than a whisper.

Bella leaped up and hobbled towards him. "I know that you do," she said and watched as his eyes turned softer and he took her hand in his, steadying her. "Carlisle, you are the most compassionate being I know. I trust you with my life."  
She felt the heat flare up in her cheeks at her own words, but refused to back down now.

"Bella..."

"No! I meant what I said when you stitched me up. You can't be damned. How could you?"

"I just was the reason the relationship between my son and his mate ended."

"But I was not destined to be his, was I?"

"You're not a vampire, it shouldn't matter to you."

"But it does," she pressed.

"You are young and you are not as affected as you were if you'ld be a vampire. I refuse to let you do this only because you think you have to, because I'm some kind of soulmate to you. I'm not. You are no vampire and that's how it should be."

"Why did you even come back then?"

He pursed his lips and stared at her stoically.

"Because I think you did it because you couldn't stand away any longer." God, she had to be as red as a tomato by now.

"And you're the expert now?"

"Jacob told me a few things about imprinting..."

"I'm not a werewolf!"

"It's close enough. I can see Alice and Jasper and how they act around each other, you know?"

"So?" He glared at her. "What did he tell you?"

Bella hesitated due to so much un-Carlisle-ness, but then answered: "He sees it as some kind of curse. He doesn't believe it to be true love. He says you are not yourself anymore."

Carlisle scoffed.

"Do you think that, too? Did I ruin your marriage with Esme?"

"I'm claiming you as if you were a thing I could possess and you are asking me if you are the problem? You did not! And no, I'm not thinking of it that way, but I can understand why Jacob does."

"Why did you leave?"

"I told you what I think about it. I was willing to let Edward try."

"You were okay with him lying to me?"

Carlisle's lip curled and a growl erupted deep from within his chest. He just knew the boy had made it worse. "What did he tell you?" He demanded.  
Now it was on Bella to purse her lips and refuse to speak. "Tell me! I need to know!"

"He told me you weren't willing to keep fighting for me. Especially not with the Volturi."

"Did you believe him?"

"Yes." 

Carlisle dropped her hand at that and closed his eyes again. Hadn't she just said she trusted him with her life? The sharp pain in his chest let him inhale a breath he didn't need. His destined mate didn't trust him. Deep down he knew the reaction was ridiculous. Of course she would believe Edward. He was her boyfriend, why wouldn't she? Still, instinct took over and it hurt.

He felt her hand on his arm, but he could hear a car and then the unmistakable steps of Charlie Swan.  
"Your father is here."


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, this took a while and I'm sorry. But I'll always come back to Twilight, don't worry.**  
 **I edited the other chapters a bit, since I found some grammar errors and one or two sentences that were just "too much" fluff.**  
 **I'm having a hard time with the story at the moment, since I know where I want to go, but not how to achieve it *lol*. We'll see, I think.**

 **Thanks for all your kind words. I'm super happy about every feedback I get from you.**

Charlie had been furious that evening. Bella should've been home way earlier. Carlisle talked to him though and Charlie couldn't hide the tiny, pleased smile when he heard that the relationship between Bella and Edward was over once more. After seeing Bella perfectly unharmed and without any trace of tears, the smile broke out full force.  
Bella herself had been in a state of shocked silence. She hadn't missed the way Carlisle had flinched away from her after her answer. Even while he spoke to Charlie, she could hear the uneven sound of his normally perfect controlled voice. She had stood behind him and felt like she was packed in a cloud. Everything had sounded damped, apart from his voice, which had broken through as clear as if he had been speaking into her ear.  
Charlie had taken her home then and, after she'd assured him hundreds of times that she wouldn't freak out over the breakup, had hugged her tight and let her escape into the quietness of her room.

Three weeks had gone by since then and Bella still couldn't believe what had happened. Carlisle Cullen was her mate. Well, her vampire mate. Practically her mate-to-be, since she was forced to become a vampire. This was so surreal.  
Without Edward at her side, she wasn't sure what she should think about anything. Of course she wanted to be a vampire, but what then? What would follow after that? And who would turn her? Alice? Needless to say it wouldn't be Jasper. Carlisle? She blushed, only thinking about it. The biting part suddenly seemed way too intimate. What did she know about this man, anyway? She knew lots, but after his recent teenage-like outbreak, she wasn't sure if she knew the real Carlisle Cullen. She knew him as the father of this family, but in reality he would forever stay twentythree.  
Alice and Jasper had tried to entertain her as good as possible over the last weeks, but Bella couldn't think of much else then Carlisle. The only problem was, that he was the topic the two of them tried to sidestep at all costs. Why hadn't he tried to contact her by now?

Bella gasped. A thought had crossed her mind and she couldn't believe, that she hadn't thought about it earlier. She was sitting in her room like a little schoolgirl, mourning about the mean ways of life and love. But this wasn't her, was it? She had to grow up years ago and didn't everyone tell her how it seemed she had been born an adult? The answer to her recent problem was so easy. She only had to do it.  
„Get up your ass, Bella. Why are you sitting here? You're not a stupid princess waiting to be kissed," she told herself, voice loud in the quietness of her room.  
She stood and grabbed her jacket from the chair in front of her desk, hurrying out of the room and down the stairs.  
„Charlie, I need to see Alice. Is it okay when I drive over to the Cullens?" she asked.

Charlie was lying on the sofa, watching the news.  
„Now?" he asked, glancing at his watch „It's eight. I thought you said you'ld stay home this weekend."

„I forgot to tell Alice something. You know... girls talk," Bella answered, instantly sorry for the new lie.

„Edward isn't there, you said?"

„Yeah. Rose, Emmett and he are still staying with their relatives."

Well, then it's save I'ld say. Have fun!"

 _„If he only knew"_ , she thought. „Thanks dad, maybe I'm staying there over night. Is that alright?"

„Sure," he answered, not even looking in her direction again. Some sports expert had just started to talk about the latest football game.

Bella smiled and grabbed her keys.  
The drive didn't take long, as usual. The houses lights shone brightly through the surrounding trees and she could see Jasper and Alice through the glass wall of the living room. Both didn't look in her direction, not even when she got out of the car and closed the door of her truck loudly. She knew they had seen her arriving, though and smirked. Always the perfect human behaviour.

„Carlisle! It's for you," she heard Alice call, when she opened the front door. Jasper winked at Bella then and Alice came over and hugged her. „I knew you'ld make up your mind some day. We're going hunting, have fun." With that they were gone.

Suddenly Bella didn't know why she'd come. She stood in the middle of the bright living room and started worrying her lower lip. What if he didn't want to see her? Maybe that was the reason why he hadn't visited her himself.

All thoughts were lost, when he suddenly stood before her. „Hello Bella," he said and smiled this Carlisle smile she was only too familiar with. With that she could work.

„Hey," she smiled back and took a step towards him. Then she blurted: „I missed you."  
He stared at her then and she closed her eyes, trying to concentrate. „Sorry."

„There's nothing to be sorry for," he answered.

„Can we talk?"

„Aren't we talking?" He smirked.

She felt the overwhemling need to giggle, but suppressed it with all her might. She needed to get to the point. „About me becoming a vampire, I meant."

The smile left his face and he backed down a step. „I can't." 

„But... you know I need to become one of you. The Volturi will come see if it happened. There's no other choice, Carlisle."

„You don't understand," he said „when you become one of us, you won't have a choice anymore."

„What choices do I have? I told them I'ld do it."

„That's not what I'm speaking of."

„Then tell me what you're speaking of!" That had been louder than intended, but she was at the end of her patience. There was no choice to make.

„You have a choice. We can fight. You don't have to do this."

How could he even think about the possibility? „Yes, I do have to!"

„No. Because if you become a vampire, you can't choose anymore. You're not as much affected now...," he started.

„This is about you and me? You can't be serious, Carlisle! You would sacrifice your family over this?"

„No," he cried „but there's no other option!"

She'd never seen him look so forlorn. Why was he fighting this so much?  
She wasn't even sure if she had that option he seemed to believe in. Over the last weeks he had been in her every thought and she'd felt the pull constantly. She wondered why it had happened only now. Maybe the bond needed to be realised from the vampire part to affect the mates. That was an interesting theory to think about later, but now she needed him to understand.  
Her features softened and she walked towards him once more. „I have no choice," she said and touched her hand to his.  
That comforting warmth filled her again and she knew by the way he flinched away from her touch, that he had felt it too.  
„I want to become one of you. Be with you forever. I want to become your equal, because I can't stand the thought of someone hurting you. I won't have you three fighting for me, when I know you're fighting for the wrong reasons."  
A sigh left his lips and when his eyes met hers again, she knew she had won, but she didn't stop there. „I'll happily give myself to you, if that's how it should be. You are kind and compassionate, so why shouldn't I want to love you? I don't see it the way Jacob sees it and I remember you saying something similar."

She heard a growl and the next thing she knew she was in heaven. He had pulled her to him and captured her mouth with his lips. The warmth spread through her body and she wondered about the softness of his lips on hers. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent and felt home and safe and accepted.


End file.
